The Dreaded Web

Most of the important things are not simple or straight forward. They are these mess of delicate webs that you must navigate without breaking. Some of the important things you can see a clear-cut path leading to the end, but as you navigate the forest of messy webs, you begin to realize there were some strands you couldn’t see from the beginning. Sometimes not until you break one. You start navigating much slower after that happens. You must not break the web.

However, sometimes as you look through the mess, it looks hard. The spider has done a good job. Not only does it look impossible to get through without breaking some crucial strands, it doesn’t look as if you’ll make it without getting stuck and, eventually, consumed. It looks like a labyrinth that you could be stuck in forever—one way or another. You know you must get to the other side. So, you take a deep breath and start anyway.

Sometimes I feel that is how faith is. Though the way looks impossible and the stress caused from the anxiety for what is ahead is all consuming, you shakily take the first step. You begin to crawl through the tangle. Maybe even with tears running down your face and your vision blurred with fear. Who would step into their death? Not unless they knew that eventually, they would make it. But not without help.

I think that is often the hardest thing for me. I hate not knowing the end from the beginning. I like being able to plan into the future. I like being sure of my steps. That is probably due to pride—I like being sure and confident. I don’t like looking weak, confused, or terrified. I like seeming like I know where my life is going and where I am going. I feel that is the only way I can make it. But you know what? I can’t always have that luxury. I think that that is the exception rather than the rule, knowing everything. And I have to learn that. To just trust. Not rush. Calm down. Don’t ram the web. It’s okay the be scared. It's okay to crawl sometimes. It's okay to need help. It's okay to go slow. 

No, calm down. 

It really is okay to be scared sometimes. 

You just can't be faithless.